Welcome to Bakura & Marik's Pschyo School
by therichnobody
Summary: The place where you learn to be the best pschyo you can be! CHapter 20 is here, and Happy B'day Bakura's Reflection! This one is for you!
1. 20 ways to annoy your hikari

20 Ways to Annoy Your Hikari (a list of the essentials)

Bakura: If you're here and reading this, that means you wish to annoy your hikari to the fullest.

Marik: If so, then do any of these in any order at any time and these handy tips will let you succed in your ultimate goal:

Making your hikari's life a living hell.

1. Always hide your Millennium item. (a must)

2. Have multiple weapons. (household items such as a plunger, bleach, and toilet seats are OK)

3. When your hikari wants you to do something, ALWAYS make it diffclut. (i.e arguing, whining, punching, kicking, throwing things, yelling, and if you must, retreat to your soul room)

4. Keep your supply on candy and caffeine high for instant annoyance.

5. Torture your hikari. (A must)

6. Examples of above: Cutting, bruising, slapping, demeaning both verbally and physically, (If you have the brain power, mentally-we don't) and humilating on a public basis.

7. Do the opposite of whatever your hikari says. (i.e. like when Ryou said turn down the volume, Bakura turned the volume so high it cracked the windows and made the neighbors call the police for noise pollution)

8. Take your hikari VERY literal. (like when Malik told Marik to throw that away (reffering to the rotting carcass of a raccoon Marik brought in) Marik wrote down the word "that" and threw "that" in the trash)

9. ALWAYS refer to that damn Pharaoh and his gang out of their names. (A must)

Bakura's personal favorites: That damn Pharaoh (Atem), That hefer (Tea'), Cone Head (Tristan), and Blondie (Joey)

Marik's personal favorites: Ol' baka Pharaoh (Atem), That friendship bitch (Tea'), He who has no role anymore (Tristan), and Po' Boy (Joey). (no names are given for Yugi, better yet, don't even acknowledge him, for he is too short to be considered a human.)(that damn Pharaoh barely made it-by an inch)

10. If your hikari goes to school, always screw up his/her homework.

11. Better yet, lock up your hikari, go to school in their place, and just fuck up their reputation. (that way, they'll get suspended and that'll give you more time to annoy them)

12. If you have no ideas, just take a table or chair leg (please saw it off said chair/table first) and repeatedly hit the wall with it.

13. Or just not respond and see how long it takes before they threaten you (that damn Pharaoh) or say "You're not getting any if you don't talk"

Marik: 2 hours and 3 minutes (longest time)

Bakura: 1 hour and 52 minutes

14. If your hikari says you can't leave the house, leave anyway and don't come back until after midnight. (for extra annoyance, cause some Level 2 or higher chaos)

15. Or just leave, for no reason whatsoever.

16. Tell Pegasus your hikari wants his number. (give Pegasus your hikari his number for added effect)

17. Bakura's personal favorite: Sexually harass your hikari, then leave, come back whenever you feel you've made yourself as pitiful looking as possible (i.e. Cuts, bruises, bleeding and make sure you stay out long enough for believability) so when your hikari sees you they will immeadiately forget what they were mad at and help you. (not guaranteed to work every time)

18. Marik's personal favorite: Take the Millenniun Rod, threatening yoour hikari until they buy you lots of candy and other things you want.

19. Anal probe them (enough said)

20. Or just plain poke them in the exact same spot over and over again until the spot becomes purple. Or your hikari yells and you have to beat your hikari with a pillow. (whichever comes first-persists counts!)

Bakura: I hope you like our methods, but these are only 20 of the MANY ideas up our sleeve!

Marik: If so, review and we shall see about sending you more of our methods, you fool.


	2. Getting off the hook with your hikari

Welcome to Marik and Bakura's Pschyo School

Bakura: Hello. If you're reading this, then that means you have been enrolled into our school for maniacs and pschyopaths, where we show you step-by-step jow to get you out of certain predicaments and to make your hikari's and whoever else around you lives a living hell. Well, since I have nothing else to do(mainly because of the fact that Ryou locked me in the closet and Marik's in jail) I guess I'll show you how to make your hikari instantly forget what you did earlier and let you off the hook.

Step 1

If you're locked in the closet(and I hope not in the other way i.e: Malik) or any other place, you need to constantly plead your hikari to let you out.

Ex. "Please?" No, Bakura." "Please?" "Why should I?"

If that happens, do this:

Ex. "If you keep me in here, how do you know I'm not doing anything wrong? For all you know I could be"-"Fine, I'll let you out. 5 minutes."

Step 2

Once you're out, you've got about 4 minutes and 53 seconds (accurate account on time was calculated over an average of times) and that's all you need. Now say in the most NORMAL way you can and ask, "I'm getting something to drink. Want something?" Most likely your hikari has put all of the drugs, bleach, rubbing alcohol, household cleaners, cough syrup, shaving cream, after shave, colonge and/or perfume and liquid soap so they'll just check your pockets (or strip down naked heh heh) and say "I guess." Then you go and prepare their drink.

Step 3

After that, you probably got a good 4 minutes 12 seconds, so first you grab the bigest glass you can find and pour in the following:

Dr. Pepper

Sprite

Lemonade (unsweetened-if not, pour a handful of salt before adding it to the mixture)

Orange juice

Kool-Aid (powdered mixes lemon Ice, Cherry, Black Cherry)

-Make sure you add MOST of the following:

Vodka

Saki (Japanese rice wine)

Rubbing alcohol

Note: You can any amount of the above, just make sure that you add MOST of the last 3 ingredients. Also, to obtain these 3 items, make sure you don't be a dumb dickshit and NOT hide them in advance somewhere your hikari can't find them. If you are, please go to Step 5.

Now that you've mixed youreation, go find a funnel, duct tape and a tape recorder. Tell your hikari that it's ready and they can come in.

Step 4

Here it is. Have your duct tape, funnel and tape recorder ready and when your hikari walks in, grab 'em, duct tape them to the floor, put the funnel in their mouth and make 'em swallow your entire concoction. When every last drop has trickled down their throats, they should be good and drunk. If not, make some more. They're taped to the damn floor, what are they gonna do about it? Remember this, you say? Why not leave now, you ask? 1. They aren't gonna remember if you get them drunk enough. 2. If you leave now, they'll remember.

Now for the tape recorder. When your hikari is bro-magnon (intoxicated to the point of de-evolution) ask them this while the recorder is on, " (Your hikari's name), may I plese be off punishment and you forget whatever I did and I may leave?" Turn off recorder. Tell your hikari to say "Yes", then turn on tape. They say "Yes", you got it on tape, and when you get back and they ask you where you've been, just play the tape. You're off scott-free.

Step 5

If you are reading this, that means that you were a complete and total piece of dickshit and forgot to hide the necessary ingredients. Guess what? You're shit out of luck.

I hope that this lesson will help you in your plights. And to this date, it has never failed me yet. Now if you will excuse me...

That's lesson 1. Lesson 2 shall be taught by Marik, so you know it's useful.

To all of you people out there who think that I own Yu-Gi-Oh! and/or the characters, you must be OUT CHO' MIND!

To all of you people out there who liked this, please review for it is nice-

Bakura: Hell, you better review dammit!  
What I told you about cutting me off!  
Bakura: Not to do it...

Review please!


	3. How to get out of jailMarik style

How to Get Out of Jail-Marik Style

Marik: Since that fool doesn't EVER get blamed and sent to this hell-hole, I have to. I mean, that punk always finds SOME way to get out of trouble, and I get blamed instead! But anyway, that fool told me that he started some idiotic "Pschyo School" or whatever, and I have to teach you fools how to use OUR special skills and get your a$$es out of trouble. Of course, I refused, but my damn opionion doesn't matter 'cause I'm in this got damn place! (punched the cell wall, causing it to crack)

Guard: Hey, one more noise outta you and-

Marik: And what! What in the hell are you gonna do, fool! I can banish yo' mutha-

therichnobody: I'm sorry, but for the next 5 minutes, Marik is going to be using indefinite vulgar language, and I can't let you all hear it. So think of your favorite song while you wait... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

5 minutes later

therichnobody: Ok, I think he's done-(looks in the cell to see that he's still swearing, so the guards had to use their tasers) uhh...

5 more minutes later

Marik: (breathing hard, rubbing the large singe mark on his shoulder) Ra damned guard...As I was saying, there are three ways to get out of jail and mess with your hikari at the same time.

1. Teleport through the shadows. Simple.

2. Threaten the guard so he'll let you out and banish anyone in your way. Simple.

3. The simple and fun way. Use your phone call to tell your hikari that they need to bail you out. When he/she comes with the money and let you out, take the money from your hikari, banish the guards, and run like hell, banishing anyone in your way. (hell, banish your hikari, then bring him/her back in a week or so. Have fun first.)

Simple right? A newborn brain-dead fool could do it. So why is it so simple that a newborn brain-dead fool could do it? Well, you must be dumber than a newborn brain-dead fool, you fool.

... ... ... ... ... ...Uhh...Lesson 2 was... ... ...informative-

Marik: What! You saying that MY lesson was useless or something?!?  
Bakura: Yeah.

Marik: Hey, shut up!  
Bakura: Make me-

Marik: Raaargh!

(Bakura and Marik are fighting in background)

... ... ... ... ...Lesson 3 soon to come...review please! review please-oh you get the idea...


	4. What weapon is right for you

What weapon is right for you

Bakura: Heh, me again. Today...uh...ummm...-oh yeah! If you're gonna pass this class, you have to have a weapon. What kind of weapon depends on you.

If you are just a plain, ordinary crazy person, get out of my class.

If not, keep reading.

As I was saying, most of my pupils go for some sharp pointy thing, such as a katana (for those stealthy types) or my personal favorite, THE Knife-Wrench (or one of my MANY other knives) but maybe getting up close with your victim isn't your style.

You could be a gunslinger. I don't mind guns, it's just I don't use 'em (EXCEPT that one time I got REAL mad at Ryou 'cause he cut me off of m sugar intake) because they're too loud even if you use a silencer and too easy to see coming. Marik likes them though. (sigh)

Oh, you could use some sort of percussion item. A percussion item you ask? Let's see…any type of hammer i.e. sledgehammer, the one that has the little ball on one point, hatchets, anything you have to swing to get the effect. Of course, Marik's percussion item is his Millennium Rod, which is a multitasker (stab, whack, slash, banish to the Shadow Realm) Yeah, it's cool, that's why I WANT IT DAMMIT!!! … … …sorry, I'm still off the sugar. Anyway, any of the above will do. Now you know what type of weapons a psycho can use, how you use 'em? Naturally your hikari and anyone opposing your way should be your first targets, but let's practice on that damn pharaoh. Now here to be an example is my new pupil, Mokuba!

Mokuba: (holding a BIG bat) Right here teach!

Bakura: Good. Go represent for your grade!

Mokuba: OK! (runs towards Yugi laughing maniacally with bat in hand)

There is his first mistake. You don't go running up on someone laughing crazy unless your victim is in a crowd or you and other people are doing the same thing. 1. It lets down suspicion and 2. It lessons your chance of getting caught. Ooooohhh…another bad move. See Mokuba repeatedly hitting that Yugi boy, yeah, he's short enough, in the back? Yeah, eventually he's gonna (glow in background) there's that damn pharaoh. ..and there goes Mokuba's mind. Damn, I just lost a pupil. Well, take note of his mistakes and your-huh? (yelling to Atem) No, I didn't send him over there!… … …I have what?!…Pepsi? Oh shit. (getting chased) Nooo! Leave me alone! Ryou has all of my sugary drinks! Go mind crush him!!!

Lesson 4 (I think) is coming as soon as I think of an idea. Here's one, you send Marik and Bakura (mainly Marik) ideas for new lessons, basically lessons on things you need help on! Anything? Help me out people! Oh, and review!


	5. What to do when company is over

What to do when company is over

(This is Marik) Damn school, Ra damned Bakura, Ra damned bullsh-let me stop. Damn Malik calling that failure Odion over, hmm...well I guess this is a good time for one of those...lessons. (sigh)

If your hikari or whoever has company, there are three rules to keep in mind. (trinity!) Always let them know you're did it, don't let them know you're doing it, and if something happens, blame it on your hikari. Example: Malik calls me a dumbass, I remind him that I AM him.

Well, I don't feel like prechin', so I'm demonstratin'. Now be quiet, shut up and listen. I am walking by that fool Isis, smacked her ass and-Hey! Don't slap me! "Why did you do that?" Why? I do what I want! "That wasn't called for, Marik." Nor is this! Ha ha ha ha! That fool Odion is a wuss! He can't even take one punch-uh-oh. Oh shit! "Marik, don't make me hurt you." You. Hurt me-put me down you fool! "Why are you even down here Marik!? I told you to stay in your room!" I had stuff to do! Put me down! "I'll take him to his room." You ain't taking me nowhere! I SAID-... ... ...Ra damned odion...Well, that was confusing and stupid. Plan B...

Alright, I thought of this. They locked me in here, or so they thought. Time to pull out the big gun. Ok, if all else fails, just run in causing any mayhem possible. Me, I'm charging in head first!

Marik pulls out his shovel launcher (which is a crossbow that shoots shovels instead of arrows and is mounted on top of a flamethrower) and runs headfirst into the door hoping it would burst open but it didn't.

OW! Mutha-that didn't work. Ok.

With that he shot three shovels, thus destroying the door and causing Malik to see what's up. He got hit in the leg, and fell down the stairs, knocking the oncoming Isis down. This caused Odion to see what was going on, but not without taking a shield (in this case, Malik's body) with him. Marik shot, not caring for either Odion or Malik, so Odion, not caring for Malik, threw his body at Marik. Marik dropped the shovel launcher upon contact with Malik's unconscious body so Odion picked it up and aimed.

Ha! You fool, you're out of ammo! "Oh am I? Don't tell me you forgot about the flamethrower." Shit.

Ok, I'm in the hospital suffering third degree burns, Malik's in here with a broken leg and internal bleeding, Odion's in here cause I hit him in the head with a shovel, and look, there's that Kaiba brother Mokuba, why he's here I don't know. But guess what?-"Hello, are you...Ishitar, Malik?" No he's over there, fool. "Hmph, you don't have to be so rude. I thought they said shave him for the brain surgery...oh well, I guess they did it already." ...Bye Odion...Ha ha ha ha ha!

I hope this was a good blah blah blah see you next tine when blah blah blah Ra damned school.


	6. How to banish without powers

How to send people to the Shadow Realm without powers

"Hello. Bakura, King of Thieves, the one and only, number one here. Uh...what was the next lesson?...(looks at a sheet of paper)...I don't feel like reading, so...wing it. Ok. If you are unfortunate enough to not have a Millennium item or just plain don't have powers (stupid mortals) there is a way...Give me a minute to think about it... ... ... ... ... ...Damn, this is hard... ... ...hmm... ... ... (takes a seat and thinks about it for about five minutes when Ryou walks in, Bakura asked him was there a way. Ryou simply said to wash the dishes)

Damn hikari. I ain't washin' no dishes. (such bad grammar) Alright, to banish people without powers, you must use someone who can. I would use Marik but he said don't talk to him until I return his Millennium Rod. Heh-Mwahahahahahahaha-"Bakura get down here and wash the dishes, please!" ...Damn hikari gonna yell at me and say please at the same time. As I was saying, I'll use that damn Pharaoh. The trick is to annoy the heck out of the person who you need to do the banishing, making sure that the person who neds to be banished is with you. Another way is to steal a Millennium item and use that. Or you could-"Bakura!" I'm trying to teach a class! "What? You mean that psycho school that I told you to stop? We have enough psychos as it is!" But it's only me and Marik-"Exactly! So get rid of it"- I'm not getting rid of it and if you're gonna do something, DO IT!... ... ...Once again, damn hikari.Don't worry, he won't do anything. Ok, time to find that damn Pharaoh and a victim. Ok, that bloody idiot Duke will do, since my so called "apprentice" quit on me. Al least I got an extra kidney now...

-I'm at that damn Pharaoh's host home. Honestly, if the rest of the sprits separated, why won't he? It'll be a lot easier to mess with him...maybe that's why he won't separate...damn Pharaoh. (knocks on door) "Uh hi Bakura. What do you need-wait." (slams the door) No wait! Duke needs your help! (Yugi opens the door and stares real hard at him) "I don't believe you." Why not? "Since when do you care about others?" Oh I see. Well I'll tell Duke you didn't want to help him in his time of need-"Ok, I believe you. But if this is some kind of trick"- Why would I lie? (Yugi stars at Bakura again) What? I don't lie!

-Ok, I'm at Duke's home-"Why are we at Duke's house? I thought he was in"-Shhh he is. "And what's up with the head camera? You really need to hide the flashing dot if you waant"-Yugi shut up! "Hello? Oh hi Yugi, and Bakura, hello." "He doesn't look like he's in trouble." Hey Duke, you thirsty? "Uh, what kind of trick is this?" No trick. Wanna Pepsi? (places a Pepsi inhis hand) "Ewww! You guys know I don't like Pepsi! (tosses the can in the bush) Mountain Dew is where it's at!" Heh, bye Duke. (runs in the same bush to hide)

"What's wrong Yugi? Is the Pharaoh taking over?" "You, (yes it's Atem) how DARE you...(picks up the can and strokes it) It's ok, that bastard child won't hurt you anymore." "Bastard child! Pharaoh, how could you"-"MIND CRUSH!!!"

(Bakura staring with his mouth open) Heh heh. That's one way. MWAHAHAHAHAHA-"Bakura!" Huh? (turns around to see Ryou behind him) Oh hi housewife. Whatcha doing? "What am I doing? You were to wash the dishes remember? And I'm not your housewife!" (pulls Bakura by the ear) OW! Let go! I'll banish you to the Shadow Realm! "Not without the Millennium Ring you're not." How did you get the-"I won't do anything, will I?"... ... ...Damn hikari.

-I'm at home, washing the damn dishes. Tch, that's one way to get it done. Very effective. But if you don't have anyone who can banish around you, you can do this. Oh housewifeeee, I need your heeeeelp. "What now, it's simple to wash dishes. How could you possibly need help on"-

PANG.

Just knock 'em out. Yeah, you have to torture them yourself but while they're knocked out, do stuff you need to do, like find your Millennium Ring. Damn hikari...

Whoever tells me how many times Bakura said "damn" in this lesson and get it right get a honey bun, curtisy of phoenoxoftrinity, my new friend! Yay! My first friend! Hoping to have more...


	7. InterrogationThe proper way

How to interrogate the proper way

While I'm up here, I don't own Yougeeoh nor yougeeoh gee ekchs (for those of you who can't sound out, Yugioh and Yugioh GX)

Also, for future refrences and I think you might be getting confused, the instructor (either Bakura or Marik) will not have quotation marks when they speak. In this lesson though, Bakura will have one quotation mark when he speaks to lessen confusion. Okay? Okay.

_"Nyah...what did I do Marik?" You know what you did Wheeler, now fess up! "I don't know what you're talking about!"_

Click.

If you go about it like that, you won't get any information, you won't instill fear and you will fail. I hate to show you that, but me being the greatness I am, I had to give you an example of a bad example so you won't do it. Interrogation is a skill that requires **CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!** It requires you to be the most frightening thing your interrogee has ever seen. To do this, you need to torture your interrogee both mentally and physically. Bakura does the physical work and I, being the the specialist I am, torture my victims mentally. Really it's a two-man job, unless you're good at multi-tasking, cause we're not, so today you're getting a double instructed lesson today. Bakura, get in here. 'What? Already? I'm taking a piss!' (sigh) Idiot. While we wait for the fool, let us think of and interrogee. Oh yeah, that's another thing. To interrogate someone, they don't necessarily had to have done something. In our book, interrogate means to find out stuff people don't want you to know. 'Okay, I'm ready.' I bet yo' nasty ass didn't even wash your hands. 'No, because I'm using my hands in the interrogation. Trust me!' (Bakura pats Marik on the face which makes marik push him) Man don't touch me with your pee-pee hands! Nasty ass, let's go.

'Hey Marik, what's that?' A school...I think. 'Who's that? coming out?' Why are you asking me these questions fool?! 'Practice.' Leave the questions to me. Hey! Come here! "Who me?" Yeah you. What's your name? "Uh Jaden Yuki"-

And just like that, the three of them are in the Shadow Realm.

"Hey, what's going on? This place seems...familiar. Who are you guys anyway?" 'Listen, you are going to be inter'-Don't tell him fool! "I'm gonna be intered? In what?" (Marik conjured shadow chains to bind Jaden) "Hey what's going on?"

Alright, if you're a beginner, take it step by step. One, ask random questions. Over and over, even if they aren't about the subject. Do it nonstop.

How can you get out of this situation? "I don't know, when you let"-'Why is the sky blue?' "I don't know"- But you go to school, why don't you know? "B-because they don't teach me"-'Then what do they teach you?' "Other stuff"-If they don't teach you, then why are you at school? "To-to learn"-'What? Math? How to do laundry?' "Huh? What are you"-How to duel? Why? "Well, because"-'Because you suck? Right?!' "I don't suck!" Then why are you at school? "B-because"-'What's up with your hair?' "What's up with yours?" Why is your hair two toned? "Because I wanna be like Yugi! Wait"-

See? Random questions confuse the subject, and after a rally, ask a key question, something that seems weird or peculiar that they might know something you don't know. They get caught up in answering questions and they answer something they weren't supposed to. Once they blurt it out, expound on it. Also, it helps to be "Bad cop, Crazy cop" if you're manning a two man interrogation, as Bakura shall demonstrate now.

'Y-Yugi?!? YUGI!!! That Yugi child is the host for that Damn Pharaoh!!!' "Huh? What's wrong with that?" 'I'll KILL YOU!!!' "NOOO! Okay I'll say I don't like him, happy now?!" 'No'-We won't be happy until you tell us why you like Yugi. "I don't like him!" 'Why so mad?' "Me? I don't..." Why so silent? Talk! "I...I don't wanna! You can't make me!" 'What's to hide? You wanna duel that damn Pharaoh, DON'T YOU!' "Yeah, of course, who wouldn't? I mean he's cool, strong, cute"-What was that? "... ... ..." 'Couldn't quite hear you.' "I didn't say anythin"-That's a lie and you know it! 'You said he's sexy'-"I did not! I said he's cute! It's a difference!" I hear no difference. All I hear is that you are gay for that ol' baka Pharaoh. "I...I-I-I-"

Now that your victim has exposed themselves, go for the kill but **NOT LITERATLY!!!** Ask the final questoin and they should break down.

'Did you or did you not say that Yugi Mutou was cute?!' "I-I-I"-Spit it out! "I-I-I-I"-

(sighs) Looks like we overdid it. At this point, your interrogee should be spilling their guts. If not and the interrogee is either still refusing or scared so bad they're silent or studdering like this fool, now's the time for _physical_ torture...

He's not talking. 'Listen here Yuki, if you don't tell us, you'll force me to do something you'll regret.' "I-I-I-I-I-I"-'That's it.'

Right now, Bakura shall break each one of Yuki's fingers for each ten seconds he doesn't talk. If he (Jaden's screams and Bakura's laughter can be heard in background) still doesn't talk, then I'm breaking out the shovel-launcher. Mind you, right now that fool is pulling out Yuki's tongue out and he didn't wash his hands...Nasty ass. Of course, if all else fails and his finers are broken-

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you anything you want! Please...no more..." 'Ha! I got him to piss his pants!' Ok you punk ass fool, why do you like Yugi? "I don't like Yugi, I LOVE HIM! Everything about him! The way he wears those tight pants, his cool tri-colored hair, the way he thrusts his pelvis when he draws a card..."

As you can see, we can basically get anything we want now. 'But be sure you take a tape recorder just in case you need proof.' Yeah, what he said. Once you're done, just break your interrogee's spirit-'Or his legs, whichever comes first.' Again, what he said. So now you know-'Cause knowledge is power!'

...Fool.


	8. Stealing from a maximum security place

How to steal form a maximum security facility

"Ryou, give me some money." "What? What for and how much?" "Uhh…600,000 and for reasons unknown." "No." "Just give me the money, I know you have it." "What should I do? Give it to you, knowing full well you don't deserve it?" "Yes"-"No. If you want money, earn it. Get a job."

Damn hikari. I'll earn it. Hmm…maybe I can steal-oh what the hell is that bloody blinking red light?! Oh. The camera. I was scheduled to do a lesson today? Ah well. If you're ever in a stitch or just need money, steal it. That's my motto. But if you want to buy something and short on money, steal what you want and the money. Works for me.

The best places (and most fun) to get money in one day is the bank or that rich punk Kaiba. Banks are easy, so let me show you a challenge. Challenges are fun 'cause you get to kill.

Tools you need…uh, something sharp (preferably a KNIFE!) one of those handheld sledgehammers, and a scientific calculator. Make sure you carry all of these items in such a way that you are still very mobile. Trust me, you'll need all of the agility you can get. Now that you have your equipment, you need a floor plan of the place you're stealing from. Me, I'll be getting this form a Kaiba, of course. Oh MOKUBAAA!!!

"What do you want?" You have those blueprints, don't you? "I'm not letting you steal form my brother! You told me you wanted them to plan him a surprise party!" Since when will Kaiba WANT a birthday party? Come on, we're buddies, right? "Your breath smells like death!" Why you little-COME HERE! "NOOO!! Seto help me!!!"

… … … … … … … … … … … … ... … … … … … … ... … ... … … … … … … … ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Okay, once you have the plans, you should really go in the day. Why? Because they'll expect thieves to come at night. Unlucky for me, it's an off day for Kaiba Corp., so they still put up the security systems. No matter, for I, the King of Thieves, shall conquer any obstacle in my path! MWA HA HA HA HA-"hey, this is private premises! Go laugh maniacally somewhere else!" …Damn bodyguard. Now for some tips of the trade.

Most thieves go through the window. Yeah, you do, but not first. You got to set the alarm off. Why tip the alarm off? Because the personnel will go to where the alarm was set off, therefore, no bodyguards when you go to a different spot. Right now, I'm at the back of Kaiba Corp. and this is where the sledgehammer comes in. Break a window and run like hell. But wait until they dispatch the guards and the alarm can be clearly heard. (the sound of glass shattering and the siren going off can be heard) Ok, run like hell time!

huff huff Damn…that's one fast midget…huff If one of the guards sees you, that's where you lead them to a spot (making sure no one else sees you) and kill 'em. Lucky for me, the front door's open. If not, SLEDGE-HAMMER!

Now you in so find the safe. In Kaiba Corp., it's in the bottom underground floor. So down to the basement I go-"Hey! You saw someone trying to break in?" Uh, what did he look like? "Tall, white hair, looks just like you." I think he went that way. "Hey thanks! Everyone, he went that way!" … … …You'd think Kaiba rich ass would be able to afford smart bodyguards. What dos he do with it all?…Anyway…

Now I'm in the basement. (sigh) Motion sensitive lasers, trip wires, and electronic lock to a 5 inch thick steel vault door. Seeeeen it. Nothin' new. Now take out your calculator-

Pause it. If you think you were actually going to override the security lock by using math and or science, get out of my class. The number one rule to being a psycho is you don't have time to be smart. On with the lesson.

-and throw it straight at the panel, making sure that at least one of the motion lasers are hit. Since the alarm is already on, no one will know. Now just walk on over to the vault, pick up the broken calculator, and jam it inside of the key card slot. It won't go in the key card slot unless you put some effort in it, so da da-da DA!!! Knife-wrench! Pry the panel open, pull out wires until-_Access approved_-opens. Take your money, and jump out the nearest window. Mission accomplished. Now I have money to buy...

"A TANK!!! Where did you get money to buy a TANK?!?!"

I earned it.


	9. Milennium item woes

What to do if your hikari is getting rid of your Millennium item

Hey what are you doing Malik?! "I'm suspending your use of the Millennium Rod!" What for? It's mine anyway! "If you think about it, it's MINE. And besides, you only use it for dumb, destructve idiotic things!" Like you used to? "Just for saying that, I'm keeping it longer." WHAT?! Give it! "You forget Marik, right now I can banish _your_ ass to the Shadow Realm." Shit.

Ra damned Malik, I can't stand when he does that. If this ever happens to you, there's only one way to get your item back, mind you, even though it _is_ the only way, it works if they take anything of yours. It's simple. All you need to do is-"Marik stay here. I'll be right back and when I do come there better be nothing wrong with the house"-Where are you going? "I'm giving the Millennium Rod to Yugi so he can seal it in the Millennium vault." What...did he...just say!!!

Hold on Malik wait-"No. It's better for the world. I might tell Ryou, maybe that way we can get some peace"-What are you trying to do? Make me powerless AND get me in trouble with that fool of a tombrobber?!-"ome to think of it, he is a tombrobber...better make it Bakura-proof." Oh come on-"Say good-bye to the Millennium Rod Marik." Bye-bye Rod...-he's kidding, right. (looks out of the window) He...he is kidding right? Are you?!...Oh hell, he's really going to do it. I gotta work fast! But I need a woman...and Odion...Dammit! Odion!

Where is he? Oh, right. Look, I really-oh what the fuc-(sigh) You need a person that your hikari is attracted to, in this case, I need that friendship heifer. But alsoyou need someone to hold down and/or chase ytour hikari down. ODION!!! "Unhhh...yes Master Marik?" Go get Malik. Bring him here and under no circumstances you are to let him go. Understand? "... ... ..." ODION THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR CRAP!!! "You know what I need to here." I AM NOT-"It's the only way I'm to do your bidding. Master Malik's orders." DAMMIT! (sigh) FINE! (takes a deep breath) P...P...p-p-pleeeeeeASS-ee?! "I heard you." Go do it! "(sigh) Yes Master Marik."

"Master Malik, there's something"-"Oh, hey Odion, can't talk right now, I have to"-Hold him down dammit! "What is going on Odion?" "I'm sorry Master marik's orders." Give me my rod back! "Never!" Ok, get over here Tea'. "No! not in this hooters outfit!" "Hooters outfit?!" Get over here heifer! Or do I have to-"Okay, but you better not do it Marik. (sigh) Hey Malik, how's about you show _your_ rod?" "Oh. My"-"Master Marik, the Millennium Rod." Perfect. Heh, I guess I made Malik happy...We can't have that. Tea', go somewhere. "Yay I can leave!" "No! Do go, you were going to take your shirt off! Come back..."

And that's how you get your Millennium item back. Get your hikari distracted and have someone you can trust to- "Marik, I will kick your ass." What I do? "Malik called Ryou and told him to give my Ring to that damn Pharaoh! I nearly had to beat him to death with a pillow just to stop him from giong over there."Ummm...well I guess there are two ways to stop youur hikari. "Shut up Marik and prepare for your punishment." Man what are you gonna do? Hold on, since when did you make an electric knife-wrench? Oh shit.

Thanks, props and kudos to all my reviewers! Also, I'm a little dense about converting bitmap files on the computer into JPEG files. If anyone knows, it would be nice if you could inform me.

Thanks!


	10. 15 ways to mess with that damn Pharaoh

Bakura: Since our first list was so likeable, we decided to do another one for having our 10th successuful chapter!

Marik: Enjoy it fools.

20 ways to mess with that damn Pharaoh/Yugi

1. Shave his hair. (Duh!)

2. Tell that friendship lovin' heifer that Yugi said come to his house with a marriage proposal.

3. Kidnap his grandfather and sell him on eBay.

4. Throw the rest of his Exodia pices in the ocean.

5. Get a doctor's report telling him he's alergic to Pepsi.

6. Set him up in a duel and cheat to win the title "King of Games"

7. Put thicker soles on the soles of his shoes to make it seem like he's taller, point it out to him and tell him he has to take his shoes off for an accurate measurement.

8. Sneak into his room and steal all of his cards and sell 'em on eBay.

9. Follow him around repeadetely singing the song, "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves".

10. Take him to an amusement park but only take him to rides that he's shorter than the "You must be at least this tall to ride" signs.

11. Everytime he talks, say "Shut up".

12. Act like you're calling a truce and give him a fake Millennium item that has a tracker on it, then give the tracker finder thingy to his fangirls (and or boys)

13. Make him admit transforming into that damn Pharaoh is the only way he'll go through puberty.

14. Get him drunk and make him play Dance Dance Revolution, video tape it, and wire it to everyone's TV screens. (trust me, it ain't pretty)

15. Show him where babies come from. (he doesn't know! Go figure!)

Marik: Hope you like.

Bakura: We did. Also, to really see if your ready to be a psycho, take the test! Copy and paste this in the address bar. us your result as well!


	11. Screwing up an assembly the right way

Hey guys, remember what I said about the no parenthesis for the instructor (Marik or Bakura) but last time I did a double-lesson and the sub-instructor had only 1 set of parenthesis? I didn't think I'd do that again, so same rules apply: Bakura2 sets, Marik1 set. Okay? Okay.

Thanks for all of the reviews and suggestions! Cookies for all!

Hmmm...now where did I put that-wait, I left the camera on last night? Crap, the battery's low too! Hope it has enough juice to tape the 'entertainment'. People are starting to spread rumors that I, the great Thief King Bakura, is a little angel in that bloody prison they call a school. Well, we've got an assembly today and a _special_ guest speaker talkng to us about teen violence. Tch, perfect opportunity if you ask me.

"Bakura, are you ready yet? We are going to be late!" Coming, you little-"What was that?" Nothing!...Damn hikari. Oh well, let's make this fast. I'm going to make this assembly one for the record books. See, I'm packing a Super Soaker filled with bleach, got a couple tear gas canisters, smoke bombs for quick getaways just in case, and to start it off, I rigged the auditorium for my liking. That's another thing, it always helps if you do something to the auditorium to impact it. You can do this alone or with some help. Of course my partner in crime is helping me and he said he had a suprise for me. Personally, I don't like suprises...

At school-3 minutes before assembly

'You got the camera?' Duh, I got the camera, its just low on power. 'Fool.' Not my fault. 'Just be glad I pre-planted some others in the place.' Nice tinking. So who's gonna get what? 'I'm getting the Super Soaker.' But, I want the Super-'I said I'm getting the Super Soaker.' ...Fine, then I'll get the _other_ Super Soaker. 'You didn't tell me there were two of them'-Exactly. (bell rings) Come on, let's get to it. 'Wait Bakura, you're a worse instructor than me!' That's impossible! 'Shut up! What I'm saying is, you're not explaining anything.' You have a pint. Okay, basics to an assembly fuck-up is use stuff that's hard to find so no one can top what you did, make sure everyone knows you did it, let the wole school experience it, you know, not just the speaker or the principal or crap like that and AT LEAST get suspended. If you get dentention, not good enough. If it gets on the news, even better. Happy now? 'No.' _Sigh_...

"Thank you all for coming. We have a great assembly planned for you all, and to kick it off, Marik Ishitar will introduce our speaker." What the hell?! He didn't say anything avout this...

'This man was a great man; ingenious, dilligent, hard-working, and just plain spectacular. He excelled in child psychology and decided to drone on to us about how we shouldn't be violent. He thought that wearing a bright red suit didn't make his fat ass look like Santa Claus. He also thoought that no one would fire concetrated chlorine bleach in his eyes.'

And that's when he shot the guest speaker with a double nozzle Super Soaker, blinding him indefinetely and turning his polyester red suit a hot pink. This is turn alerted the principal, but he couldn't move. Actually, no one who was sitting could get up. So Bakura saw his cue to enter from the back of the curtains.

Hello faculty, staff and students. Due to the fact that I put super glue on all of your seats, please enjoy being dunked in pig innards and blood.

Then Bakura walked up to the podium, pulled the switch and emptied 20 barrels entirely onto everyone not on the stage. then with his foot, kicked over a time-released tear gas canister that was set to go off in one minute. 'Glad you all could join in on the festivites, but wehave to go.' "Marik! Bakura! You two are in the deepest of trouble! Free us now before I expel you!" Noce offer, but we got a good 30 seconds to leave-'No, _I_ got a good 30 seconds to leave.' I made sure you'd step in the patch of quick-dry cement behind the podium.' Hold on Marik, think about this! 'Ready for the suprise?'

Marik left out of the auditorium just after the tear gas went off. It was a full 10 minutes of panic, tears and chaos. Everyone, including Bakura thought Marik just plain forgot. He didn't. Actually, he ran to Bakura's house, jacked the tank, and went on a warpath straight for the school. Then he fired a missle, blowing up about the entire back end of the school, in turn, completely destroying the auditorium and injuring (as well as killing) almost entire groups of people. That's when the newscasters, helpcopters, tanks, armed forces basically everyone and their mama came to see what was going on. Right now, all that was going through Marik's head was 'Die, die, die, die, Kill! Kill! Kill!' All of the people coming just meant more targets. Fortunately for Bakura, he cement that was binding him was destroyed.

... ... ...Ow. That's why cough I don't like surprises. Well, since the news is here, better make my appearance. Hmm...what can I use?...I know. Oh yeah, what Marik is doing right now is a prime example of a psychotic frenzy. More on that in a later issue. Now to get on TV!

With that note, he ran outside with his Super Soaker shooting bleach in random people's eyes until he got in front of the statue (of what I don't know) in front of the school. He then grabbed a megaphone from someone, climbed the statue, and, speaking into the megaphone, said, If you think that bloody idiot is a threat, I'll summon someone that will kill you in the most inhumane way!

'What the fuck?! That fool is trying to steal my spotlight! We'll see about that!' Then the angered Marik started to dive towards the statue Bakura was on. People are trying to talk to them, but you know they're listening. When of corse Bakura finally sees the gigantic war vehicle coming towards him, he pulled out a can of Pepsi and yelled in the megaphone, I'll do it, I'm crazy! Marik's response was to continue driving and fire a missle. Well, being the idiot Bakura is, popped the can. This of course, summoned the almighty Atem yelling his battle cry, "PEPSI!!!"

Since this is getting a little long, let's speed it up to...oh...lsay...4 hours from now?

"Bakura, why? Why did you do it? You couldn't stand having just 1 normal day in your life, could you?" Apparently not. "(sigh) Well, you succeeded in getting your face on TV by injuring 207, killing 123, and banishing 2,068 minds to the Shadow Realm. What do you have to say for yourself?" I didn't even kill anyone. Subtract the 84 Marik killed and the 24 I injured, and the rest was done by that damn Pharaoh because I lost the Pepsi. He's the one who stole the spotlight dammit!

Sigh...

Whee! Another onecomes out of the mind of therichnobody!! Horah!!! (trinity!)

Mad thanks for this suggestion lunarxshinobi, and mad thanks for the rest of you guys suggestions (can't name ya all) and keep 'em coming!

Also, I think it's a little confusion about which Bakura I'm using in my stories. Yes, there are two different Bakuras, the Egyptian, Dark Master Zorc, all scraggly lookin' (true) Bakura, and the pale, British-esque (might I add, HOT) Bakura, which is the one I use. I don't use the Egyptian one because 1.) I don't like the fact that he's really how Bakura looks, and 2.) Uhh...(insert excuse here) Keep this in mind for my stories.

And before I forget, if you know how to convert MS paint bitmap files into JPEG format, save it on a floppy disk and upload it as JPEG format to a website, PLEASE let me know. Thanks!


	12. Shadow Realm a complete guide

A correction: in the fic entitled "Messin' up an assembly" I said that lunarxshinobi gave me the idea. It was really Bakura's Reflection who gave me the idea. So sorry, apoligies to everyone, and also, the fic "15 ways to mess with that damn Pharaoh/yugi" in the fic I said "20" ways. Pay no mind to my insanely bad typing skills. Thank you.

Hi! (waves all cool like) I just want to say, thanks for all of my reviewers. This story wouldn't have been what it is now if it wasn't for you. On with the lesson! Bye! (waves all cool like)

Some of my students are saying that to be a good psycho, you need an extensive understanding of the Shadow Realm. That is true, so this is going to be all about the one and only Shadow Realm. Seeing that I hae more experience (in more ways than one) of this realm than Bakura, I'll be taking you through it. First you need to know how to summon it. Of course the easiest way is to call for a Shadow game or possess a Millennium item. But if you don't have one, it's a simple trick that I found while messin' with Malik.

See, he was mad at me for using the toaster in the bathroom. I still say he was only mad because I dropped it in the bathtub when I was going to take a bath and have some pop-tarts at the same time but anyway, he came in there all mad and everything and saying that we needed to get another toaster. I told him to just reach in and get it, but he's up there talkin' since it was still plugged up, he'd get electrocuted. So I pushed him in the tub. It was cool! All of the bolts flying, I mean he was flashing blue for Ra's sake! But something else happened. While Malik was getting shocked to oblivion, I saw the shadows engulfing the room, and that's when I realized that I opened the Shadow Realm. So, I'm guessing the formula for opening it without an item is: Plugged toaster + tub of water + mad person Shadow Realm. Just do it somewhere that you don't need, 'cause that opening is still in our bathroom. I don't know how to close it, and trust me, it ain't comfortable takin' a piss with shadows watchin' you. Alright, now I'll giv you a walking tour of the Realm.

When Marik opened a portal to the Shadow Realm, a bloody, beaten Ryou tumbled out of the portal.

Fool, what the hell happened to you? "Ba-Bakura..." ...Damn, he fainted. What did he do to him?...Meh, someone will find him. Now, into the Shadow Realm we go-wait, something's not right...Oh, that's it. As I constantly say, the shadows are always hungry so when you open a portalway there, make sure you have a soul handy on ya, otherwise, they'll take yours , as you can see by the way the shadow tendrils are circling up my leg. Hmm...Hey buddy! Wanna make five dollars? "Huh, yeah. Okay!...So what do I have to do?" As I was saying, on with the tour. "What tour? What about my five do-hey, what is this black stuff? G-get off me! No, no, no, no-NOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Now, second thing you need to know is that two parts to the Realm. The first part: All dank, dark, and evil, mainly used for the shadow's feeding and torturing grounds. My favorite part of course. BUT-there is another part to it. This area is known as "The Black Market" 'cause 1. it's pitch black so you don't know what the hell you're buying and 2. this is where you get all of your illegal psycho needs. Illegal guns, explosives, magical entities, medical equipment hell, you can even buy your very own underage laborers. It's good and all but I don't use it. Why? Because you can get all of this at Wal-Mart 'cause Wal-mart got everything.

"Hey everyone, Wal-Mart just got a new product called 'Box 'o Shadow Realm'! And it's only $2.99!!!" ... ... ...What the hell...

I just had to write the Wal-Mart part. To me, it really does have everything.


	13. The almighty psychotic frenzy!

Hello, Bakura here. Pop quiz! Do you remember when Marik stole MY tank and went all ballistic at the school assembly? If not…well I don't know go punish yourself for not remembering. I don't feel like it. Anyway, if you do remember, then you know there was no common sense found in his little pea-sized brain, for he was in a psychotic frenzy.

A psychotic frenzy you ask? Why it is a period or state of mind where a person becomes temporarily insane to the point of decimated de-evolution. It is useful, however, you can be a danger to yourself and others-no wait, that's a plus. Anyways, there are certain things that can set a person off in psycho mode. Marik gets crazy when he's around large and/or large quantities of firepower. I go crazy when I get the taste of blood and/or are around shiny, expensive objects. But how to find what sets you off? Well, I can't tell you what sets your mind off, but I can tell you what to look for so you can identify when you cut loose. The basic signs are: eye twitching, drooling and/or foaming at the mouth, eye leakage (rare), head involuntarily cocks to the side, thoughts of nothing but what just happened or no thoughts at all. And something unique to you. Now that you know what it is and how and what happens, why don't we observe a psychotic moment. This, happened about a week ago.

He then pulled out a DVD, placed it in the DVD player next to him, and turned on the screen for all to see.

"Ryou, where are all of my knives?" "I told you until you learn to stop de-tailing the stray cats around the neighborhood, no more knives." "Are you kidding me? I'll just use a kitchen knife then." "Do not get one of those knives Bakura!" "And why not-what's that smell? Ryou, are you burning something?" "Oh no, that's just our dinner cooking." "Cooking? What's that?" "Don't act crazy, you had it before. I'm just cooking a 3-pound T-bone steak." "Why cook it? I'll eat it raw." "And risk getting salmonella? No way." "I'm immune to your pitiful _mortal_ diseases remember? What's this?" "The extra meat I'm gonna cook. Bakura?…Are you okay?" "It's…covered in blood…" "Of course it is, it's raw. That's why I need to cook it-no don't eat it! Bakura spit it out!" "Never! This is delicious! I want more dammit!" "Why are your eyes turning that deep shade of red? Oh no…get back!"

Sorry I had to stop the tape. It was getting too graphic for the young ones. I could give you a detailed account but it might make those strong at heart induce vomitation. If you want me to say what happened, I will. Okay, so I was still holding the raw steak when I slapped you across the face with it, then I tackled him to the ground and began to-

"Bakura! I know your not explaining what happened last week are you?" Nooo. Damn hikari. Ah well, you'll hear of it soon enough. The only thing I can say is to practice the frenzy at all times, but remember this: Whenever you practice it, ALWAYS practice on the following people:

That damn Pharaoh

Kaiba and his punk of a brother

Marik (just to be funny)

Keep that in mind and have fun! (that's all it's for anyway)


	14. 20 ways for instant AnzuTea elimination

A note: This particular lesson has **EXTREME** Tea(Anzu) bashing, (I'm not playing, SERIOUS TEA'(ANZU) bashing!) so if you like her as a character, against the bashing of her, or both, then two messages:

Do not read this. It's not the fact that I would bash her lie that, but I just don't like her as a character.

Bakura&Marik: If you like Tea'(Anzu), get out of our class.

Thank you. Now those of you still there, read on!

20 ways to kill (or at least make miseralbe to the point of suicide) that friendship heifer Tea' (Anzu)

Man, ya'll must really like my lists! You keep requesting more!

Bakura: (looks at title) Damn that's a long ass title. Marik did it, dumbass-

Marik: Hey! Shut up tombrobber! Ok, you all wanted it, so here it is, fools. (looks at note under title) What does she mean 'her' lists? Man...

Bakura: Just start. We'll deal with later. (therichnobody:That's what you think!)

1. Make her watch every single Chuckie movie, all of the Saw movies, and anything that has a lot of killing and blood. Over and over again.

2. Beat her with a pillow. (this seems to work with everything.)

3. Rip her stuffed animals limb by limb in front of her eyes. (tie her up first mind you!)

4. If your too lazy to do the above, feed them to some rabid dogs. That will do nicely.

5. Put her on a date with Malik.

6. Drench her in Pepsi and show that damn Pharaoh.

7. Torch her pathetic cards, then use those to torch her pathetic stuffed animals, then launch them at her pathetic body.

8. Show her a man-eating shark infested pool, then tell her that they want to be friends. (trust me, she'll jump in)

9. Prove to her that Yugi doesn't like her.

10. Send her a fake acceptance letter for that bloody dance school she wants to go to.

11. Tell her that the only one who loves her is herself. (and Malik, but we're not talking about him now)

12. Take her to the mall during Christmas, telling her you have a surprise for her, and burn the mall Santa Claus in front of her. (she still believes in him)

13. Lock her in a room filled with heads of rabbits, bears and cats.

14. Put a 'Tell me you don't love friendship' sigh on her back.

15. Graduate college (good luck!) and scientifically prove to her that friendship isn't real.

16. Put up a fruit punch stand, sell fruit punch, but when she comes around, sell her the blood of newborn kittens. (blood...drools Marik slaps him out of it)

17. Lock her in a room with a monitor showing Yugi on a date with that Rebecca girl.

18. Then ask her, "Yugi has Rebecca, Joey has Mai, Tristan has Serenity, Ryou has Bakura (shut up!), Malik has himself (damn skippy!), so who do you have?"

19. Every Christmas, sneak into hr home and replace all of her gifts with coal. (keep them for yourself, you deserve it!)

20. Lock her in a room.

Marik: And that's our list. I hope you like it.

Bakura: As always, enforce these to the fullest extent. And always be the best psycho you can be!

Marik: You sounded_ sooooo_ gay right then.

Bakura: You honestly can't shut up, can you?!

Third list. (trinity!) Review! (haven't said that in a while, now have I?)


	15. A lesson on defeating other psychos

Haven't said this in a while (I think...)

Disclaimer: _Shonen Jump's_ Yu-Gi-Oh copyright Kazumi Takahashi; not me.

So sorry, but format! (hopefully last time, only reason I do this is because I'm lazy!)

Marik talks: Like this.

Bakura talks: 'Like this.'

Anyone else talks: "Like this."

Okay? Okay.

Just like there are rival gangs, there are rival psychos. Actually, if you think about it, there might be more nutjobs out there than rats in the sewers. Intimidating numbers ain't it. But don't worry, I'm going to show you the perfect way to protect and/or defeat any opposing psychopath in your way. Yes, of course, you might even be unlucky enough to have to fight someone taking classes from yours truly, the great and all-powerful Marik Ishtar-

'Tch, all-powerful my ass.'

Shut up Bakura.

Having to fight someone of that caliber is going to be tough, but what I'm doing will help you defeat anyone-

'But if you're showing our students a sure-fire way to defeat our other students, then all you'll do is cause a paradox effect. They'll both know what the other is going to do and end up either matched or killing each other. It's a no-win situation, besides, even if you do teach them this, they can't beat anyone. They'll only be able to beat anyone we can beat. Atem can kick our ass, Malik can kick your ass, Ryou can kick my ass, and I don't know the name of that mayor but he can kick our ass too. Quit tellin' them lies, Marik.'

... ... ...Go somewhere Bakura.

'Well fine then!'

... ... ...(sigh) He has a point. Forget it, it will only give you a massive headache like the one I have now. The key to being able to kill anyone BESIDES those people that fool named, is knowing YOUR weaknesses. And no, it's not what you think. I mean, you should know them already, but here's the catch. Know your own weakness, then when you have to fight, you give your opponent clues to the **exact** opposite of what your weakness is. While they are focusing on trying to expliot it, you can focus on kicking their ass! See? Perfect, ain't it.

'The only reason you say it's perfect is because you used it on me.'

It worked, didn't it?

...'Bastard.'

Another way is to mess with their heads. As crazy and as powerful any psycho is, their minds are weak.

'Speak for yourself.'

ARE YOU JUST GONNA LAY BACK AND SAY SMART-ASS REMARKS ALL THROUGHOUT THIS RA DAMNED PIECE OF SHIT?!?

SAY SOMETHING NOW FOOL!!!

'Aren't you supposed to be teaching?'

ARRRRRGH!!!!! You know what? Fuck you, fuck this school, and FUCK THIS WHOLE RA DAMNED IDEA!!!

'But you weren't even supposed to teach today. You were schedueled for next week. Didn't you hear me a few moments ago? Stop staring at me like that. Why don't you go teach a lesson or something?'

MAN-

(1 full minute of swearing from Marik before finally bashing Bakura in the head with the Millennium Rod and walking off to an empty room, slamming his head on the wall)

'Heh heh heh, prime example of messin' with a psycho's head. Only problem you get hurt in the process...Crap, he made sure he hit me with the sharp part. And when you get their mind all confuzzled, finish 'em. Besides, if you tell a psycho what the opposite of your weakness is, they'll be crazy enough to do the opposite of what you said, so you must tell them the truth but if you want to uphold the rule of lying youo must indeed tell them a lie of your weakness but to tell them a lie is telling the truth, therefore renouncing Marik's current idea...

A bloody piece of crap. And now if you excuse me, Marik is chasing me with his Shovel-launcher. Good-bye-AAHHHHH!!!

Paradox is xodaraP. For they are fun.

Couldn't really think of anything, but there is some logic in this crazy thing. Any hopes of defeating a psycho is to not be one yourself. That way, you'll be sure to outsmart them.

Sucks, dosen't it?

Bakura's Reflection gave me this idea. Thanks, and thanks to all of you who give me the insane ideas I (and Bakura and Marik) use to make this great fic!

(basically I'm gonna start giving personal props, so yeah! (thumbs-up)


	16. A picture break

Hi! (waves all cool like) Thanks SO much for the reviews! You guys mean so much to me. Oh,

**ERROR ALERT! ERROR ALERT! ERROR ALERT!** (trinity!)

In the last fic, I said I got that idea from Bakura's Reflectionand NO ONE NOTICED!!! I actually got the idea Zutarachick.

So sorry, but credit is where credit's due. (I got to stop with these simple mistakes...)

Bakura: Is your mind deteriorating for you to not see that?

Marik: Or are you just stupid?

Like you two?

And isn't Bakura supposed to be doing this lesson?

Bakura:...Yes.

On with the story!

... ... ...Heh heh heh...This is too crazy...

Sorry. Just looking at this picture that damn Pharaoh gave me yesterday. (shaking his head) Tell you the truth, I didn't know who that damn Pharaoh could pull off such a nice prank. I wish you could see this, but a description is the next best thing. Well except blood, naked girls, knives, blood, and-

ANYWAY! The picture is that Kaiba asleep on the toilet. I asked him how he was able to get this picture of him, and this is what he told me...

"Yugi, duel me."

"Kaiba, I don't feel like dueling right now"-

"You WILL duel me for your title of 'King of Games' and I WILL win! Duel me!"

Yugi sighed, tried to walk away buit Kaiba followed. After many attempts to get rid of the persistent man, he went to the kitchen and pulled out a tray of brownies. _Hmm...Marik left these last time he was here...I wouldn't dare try one of them, there is no telling what's in them...heh heh heh..._

"Hey Kaiba, want a brownie?" He handed the plate over to Kaiba, who eyed at them suspiciousily before eating one.

"Got milk?"  
"Why of course" Atem said as he gave 'em a glass.

"Hey, can I have a brownie?" Mokuba asked as he reached for one.

"Uhh, trust me, you don't want one of these, Marik made them." Atem whispered to Mokuba. "You brought your brother?"

"Tch, he wanted to watch. Can't blame him really, no one should miss me finally kicking your butt. Besides, don't think that you're getting out of dueling me."  
"I know Kaiba. I'm getting my cards as we speak. So, how's the brownie?"

"Good actually, did you make"-

And he stopped. They heard a gurgling sound as Mokuba spotted Kaiba's pants gradually get a wet spot on the back of them. Kaiba's eye twitched, as he clasped his hands on his behind and ran looking for a bathroom. As that damn Pharaoh told me this, (I was laughing my ass off mind you) he said that Mokuba asked Kaiba if he knew that Marik made them but apparently Kaiba didn't hear him. He was frantic, mainly because he was damn near crapping his pants.

"Mokuba! Bring me my Porta-Potty! Nevermind, Yugi! Where's the bathroom!"

"Ha ha! What's wrong Kaiba? Got a case of the boo-boo's?!" Atem yelled pointing the way to the restroom.

Of course, Kaiba wentin and relieved him of all the fecal matter that riddled his bowels.

" (huff) (huff) Ahhh...(huff) ...That felt sexy..."

But when he was ready to clean himself, there was no toilet tissue. He looked around, none.

"Yugi! Where's the tissue!"

Atem walked in the bathroom, holding a roll, "Kaiba, just to let you know, I'm wearing a gas mask, but do you mean, THIS TISSUE?" and waves the roll over the stall door out of Kaiba's reach.

"Yugi! You took it out on purpose! AAAAAHHHH! AAAAHHHH!! AAAAHHHH!!! (trinity!)" and didn't stop screaming.

"I don't care how long you scream Kaiba, I'm not giving you the tissue."

"AAAAAHHHH! AAAAHHHH!! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHH"-and unmistakenly let out some leftover liquid poo. Mokubaaaaaa!! Bring me my TP!"

"I ain't going in there."

"Mokubaaaaaaa!!!"

"I AIN'T going in there!"

"AAAAAHHHH! AAAAHHHH!! AAAAHHHH!!!"

One hour later

"Aahhhh...ahhhh...ahh...ZZZZZZZZ"

That damn Pharaoh told me that Kaiba fainted from the smell of his own shit. So he walked in, gas mask still on, and took a picture of Kaiba on the damn toilet. Funny crap. Heh, crap.

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! (cough)

Ahem, he also told me he made copies and placed them all around Kaiba Corp. Apparently Pegasus was there, and was 'aroused' by it.

Ewww.

Sorry no lesson, but at least you got a nice laugh. Maybe you could try this on someone you know. Hmm...you think this is the reason Ryou's in the bathroom now? Heh heh heh...

Crubbidey crap. What my mother said as I was typing this up. What the heck is a crubbidey? Can someone tell me so I know?

Review please!


	17. What a psycho shouldn't do

Don't get your hopes up...Still infected with Writer's block.

You should know the set up by now. Well, it _has_ been a while, so I'll refresh your memory.

Bakura talks: Like this

Marik talks: 'Like this'

Ryou and Malik talk: "Like this"

-----X-------X-----

(Bakura is seen pacing back and forth)... ... ...

Hi. So glad to see you again, and what do I owe the pleasure? (claps his hands over his mouth, starts to pace again)... ... ...I must let you know, this will...NOT BE A PLEASANT-(pauses, takes a deep breath) Forgive me for yelling, I was terribly rude-Oh bullcrap! You all know me, I'm not like this!!! Let me explain.

The reason you all haven't seen much instruction in the past what...couple months? That...that...Raaahh! I still can't bring myself to swear! Those blasted hikaris of ours gave us these behavior pills on steroids! (slaps himself) Please forgive me Ryou, I didn't mean to offend you-Yes I did! Da...dam...SUGARFOOT!!! (slaps himself again) What in the world kind of swear replacement is sugarfoot?! (sighs) Listen, as you can see, I am in no condition to teach, and nor is Marik. He's in here, suprisingly quiet. Malik gave him double doses, so glad Ryou's not like that...Bless his heart-Man Kcuf!

Leave me alone Marik. Please?-(looks down) I never say _please_...I do have to practice saying it more...NO I DON'T! That's one thing I can do...Please pay attention, for these are things a psycho SHOULD'NT DO. Oh, and Malik had the audacity to video tape us in our most...helpful moments...Could you be a dear and play the tape Marik, please? (screams and repeatedly hits himself in the head with a hammer) Make-me-stop-please-Aaaaaahhhh! (whacks himself one too many times and collaspses)

'... ... ...' (plays the tape and tends to Bakura's self inflicted injury)

-----X-------X-----

Ryou, there's no way you or anyone else can stop me and Marik. "Oh really? Well, I guess you're right. Might as well join you." What?! Hey wait, what is that big ass green pill?! Get it away from me! Marik help!!! 'Let-me-go-Malik! I'll banish yo' ass so fast you'll be spi'-"Shut up and swallow! Ryou, I got him!" "Bakura too! He's already apologizing to me, isn't this great?" "Heh, maybe we can have peace now, what do you say Marik?" 'Oh I agree Malik. May Bakura and I please help you clean the house?' Oh Marik, that's so nice of you to include me! Group hug!

Ryou and Malik smile evily in between the hug...

-----3rd day-----

"And when you're done painting my room, could you help me polish all of your metal objects Bakura?" Bakura looked at the doorway where Ryou stood. His eye twitching, he mumbled, _Why don't you do it yourself? There's enough knives to keep you bleeding._ "What was that Bakura?" Uhh...I said I'd love too my love and when we're done, why don't we sell them to donate to the needy? "Oh Bakura, that's so thoughtful! I'm sure we could get at least 20,000 off of your knives alone!" Bakura's eye twitched furiously, but he smiled, grinding his teeth.

"Marik, are you done yet?!" Marik growled at Malik's voice, keeping up with the stitches on the sewing machine. 'Almost done, it's just the hem of the collar left, sir.' "Well hurry it up. You know you need to have your maid outfit when you do the chores. It's more...hell it's funnier that way, don't you think? 'Funny? No it's not.' Marik said getting up from the machine grabbing Malik by the collar. 'Want me to tell you what it is?!' "Yeah, TELL ME!" he shoved another pill down Marik's throat, making sure he swallowed it. 'Ack! Dam-sel!' "What?" Malik laughed as Marik tried to cough up the pill that was already dissolving in his throat. 'Damsel, that's what I look like wearing this _beautiful_ skirt!' "That's what I thought..."

-----X-------X-----

See? Horrible ain't-I mean..._isn't _it? I must work on my grammar...so dreadful...And I aim to keep it that wat dang it! Aaaahhh!!!! (grabs the hammer but Marik takes it away from him) Give me the hammer Marik!

'... ... ...I can't do that. You'll hurt yourself. Besides...I'm the one who needs it! (starts swinging, but dodges his own hits and ends up flinging it out of the window) ... ... ...First one who tries to fix the window is a weak piece of... ... ...you know!-Sorry I yelled.'

No problem friend. Shall we fix the window?

'Yes. Let's.'

-----A week later-----

(Bakura glares at Ryou and Malik, who are currently chained to chairs suspended over lava pits) Why did you do it?

"Oh come on Bakura! Why wouldn't we? You all act as if destruction is a way of life!" 'That's because it _is_ dammit!' "But...you wouldn't burn your own self, would you Marik? Huh?!" 'Let me talk it over with Bakura for a second. While you wait for our answer, look at this.'

**Top 5 things you should'nt do if you wish to be a successful psycho**

5. Make friends with your hikari's friends

4. Agree to a bet your hikari tries to make with you (trust me, they WILL outsmart you)

3. Leave your Millennium item out in the open

2. Take any type of candy from ANYONE that looks like it could be a big ass green pill

1. And please, don't be like us and leave out a printed copy of a formula for ritilin so powerful it can take down a Pepsi-deprived Atem and the damned chemicals to make it.

"Well? Are you gonna burn us to a crisp or let us go like the good little boys you are?" "Malik, that's not helping. Bakura, how about I make a bet with you? If you can correctly solve my word problem, you can...throw us in the lava"-"WHAT! And you say I'm not helping!" "But...if you can't guess it, you have to let us down and we can use the pill again for a whole week. What do you say?" '... ... ...You MUST be out cho' mind. Of course we'll just drop you! If you ask me, you really aren't in a position to negotiate, right Bakura?...Bakura?' Hmm... ... ...Okay, I'll take your bet on. What's the problem? 'You fool! They are smarter than us and you know this man!!!' "Okay, If I have two pieces of candy and trade one piece for a chainsaw that was defective in order to throw it in the sea where the saltwater made it rust, therefore contaminating the ocean in a 30-mile radius, killing all of the fish and other inhabitants of the sea and the people in that area that relied on the fish for nourishment, how many pieces of candy do I have left?" ... ... ...(starts to say something but Marik overs his mouth) 'The answer is'- Shut up Marik! Ryou said I have to do this on my own. And besides, the answer is the Gettysburg Address!

'... ... ...You dumbass fool...'

"I only had one piece of candy left Bakura. You got it wrong." "Ha! We get to use the pills again! In your face Marik!" ... ... ...I was so sure...You cheated! Dammit! Aaaahhhh!!! (runs around in circles, eventually running into a wall knocking himself out)

-----X-------X-----

That was longer than usual...Spring holiday...I was deprived of Internet for 3 days...until Saturday. But I think on...Thursday this spawned in my mind. I told you guys I was desprate for ides to get me back on Yu-Gi-Oh, so I was looking through the ideas you guys gave me in your reviews and I saw Zutarachick's. So, here ya go! Reviews and new ideas are greatly appreaciated and this evil thought crept into my mind. What if I have to end this soon if I get no other ideas... ... ...Chapter 20 might be the last one if my mind doesn't get into gear, so if you're a loyal fan or just like this fic, please, motivation is needed.

Bakura: Damn you Kingdom Hearts, you did this to her! First you stop her from dueling, then stops the comics she was doing, now this!

Marik: I'll kill them!!! (charges at Kingdom Hearts and cracks it with his Millennium Rod)

Roxas: Oh my god, he cracked Kingdom Hearts! Saix, he broke the moon!  
Saix: Oh no he DIDN'TTTTAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!! (goes into beserk mode charging at Marik)

Now there's an idea...hmm...those two worlds going into war...New chapters for Yu-Gi-Oh annoys Kingdom Hearts coming soon!

Thanks again to Zutakachick for this idea!


	18. Creating chaos at work

Hi! (waves all cool like)... ... ...

Idea came from Cybergoth. Hope you like!

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Wal-Mart, or the priority to develop crude, imaginative Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters trading cards that has uber widely blown out effects that will surly be forbidden in tournment and/or home play.

-----X-------X-----

Guess what? That punk Malik set me up with a job at Industrial Illusions. Little rat. Oh well, make the best with what you get right? Wrong. Make worse with where you work for the rest of the people. If you don't know how, here's what I, Marik Ishtar, am here for? If ya don't have a job and get your money from either stealing or outside sources, you get an A for today, guranteeing you a god grade for graduating, considering the fact that we don't give our grades so let's move on!

Alright Mr...Willamson, what do I do? "You? Meh, you can design new cards, they one guy short." What happened? "Pegasus kinda favored him, bringing him coffee, massages, calling him to his office for _private_ visits, crap like that." Gay ass mutha- "Yeah, well, he IS our boss, so you might wanna get to work. Here he comes"- Oh Shit!

Designing cards huh? Oh crap, I have to use a computer. Alright, where did I put that code...12e5u666---x---l337--. What did I just do you ask? I put a time released virus on the computer that'll activate when someone turns it back on. Messing with fools on the job is easy if you ask me. Heh heh, why not put different viruses on different computers while you're at it to really get people pissed off. Once they figure out one way, theyll have to find a totally different way for the next one! Oh, and make sure it shows something real stupid, like me prancing around naked. Yeah, that'll work. Another thing you can do is program a portable Shadow Realm screensaver on a monitor, just for kicks. (it'll keep you on good terms with the shadows, seeing they'l be getting free meals...) Okay, back to work. Designing cards...designing cards...why not design some cards only I can use. Or even design a card after me! Evem more powerful than an Egyptian god! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! (looks around to see everyone staring at him) Fools. Hmm...as much as I hate that ol' baka Pharaoh, I think I'll design a card after him, just to use it in his face. I can see it now, me, the King of Games, kicking that fool of a Pharaoh to the curb and banishing his ass to the

Shadow Realm!!! Yeah...(begins typing on computer, comes up with these 9 special cards-You gotta remember, this IS Marik)

(If you don't the basics to dueling, you may disregard the card list. It's mainly showing how badly Marik is going to cheat with these cards )

-----X-------X-----

**Yami Marik-King of the Shadows (Monster; LV 9; ATK 5000; DEF 2000; Dark; Spirit; Effect)**

This card cannot be normal summoned. This card can only be special summoned from the hand or graveyard while "Call of the Yamis" is on the field. As long as this card is in face up attack postion, all opponent's monsters must attack this card. Any monster destroyed by this card is removed from play instead. Once per turn, during your Main Phase, this card may take control of one of your opponent's monsters for the rest of the turn. If this card is on the field along with Yami Bakura-King of Thieves and Yami Yugi-King of Games, you win the duel.

**Yami Bakura-King of Thieves (Monster; LV 9; ATK 4000; DEF 1000; Dark; Spirit; Effect)**

This card cannot be normal summoned. This card can only be special summoned from the hand or graveyard while "Call of the Yamis" is on the field. Along with it's normal attack, this card may attack up to as many time as the number of spell and trap cards on both sides of the field. If this card inflicts battle damage to you or opponent, you may use any spell and trap card in your opponent's hand. (your opponent must reveal their hand first.) When this card is sent to the graveyard or removed from play, special summon this card in face up attack postion. If this card is on the field along with Yami Marik-King of Shadows and Yami Yugi-King of Games, you win the duel.

**Yami Yugi-King of Games (Monster; LV 9; ATK 3000; DEF 10,000; Light; Spirit; Effect) **

This card cannot be normal summoned. This card can only be special summoned from the hand or graveyard while "Call of the Yamis" is on the field. As long as this card is on the field, it nor your spell and trap cards can be targeted by spell, trap, or monster effects. When this card is attacked, it automatically shifts to face up defense position and then damage is calculated nomally. When this card defends, double its ATK and DEF for the remainder of the turn. If this card is to be destroyed, you may send a random card from your opponent's deck instead. If this card is on the field along with Yami Marik-King of the Shadows and Yami Bakura-King of Thieves, you win the duel.

**Call of the Yamis (Spell-Continuous)**

This card cannot be destroyed. Once per turn, during your Main Phase, you may special summon a monster with "Yami" in its name to your side of the field in face up attack or defense position. The controller of this card has no limit to hand size, monster zones, or spell and trap zones.

**Millennium Rod (Spell-Equip)**

This card can only be epuipped to Yami Marik-King of the Shadows.

Increase the ATK of the equipped monster by 1000 points. In addition to controlling one monster per turn, you may control up to two additional monsters for an additional two turns. If the equipped monster is to be destroyed or sent to the graveyard, destroy one of the controlled monsters instead.

**Millennium Ring (Spell-Equip)**

This card can only be equipped to Yami Bakura-King of Thieves.

Increase the ATK and DEF of the equipped monster by 500 points. When the equipped monster deals battle damage to you or your opponent, you may use up to two additional spell and trap cards from your opponent's hand or graveyard. As long as this card is equipped, your opponent must play with his/her hand and deck face up.

**Millennium Puzzle (Spell-Equip)**

This card can only be equipped to Yami Yugi-King of Games.

Increase the DEF of the equipped monster by 1000 points. As long as this card is equipped, none of your monsters, spells and/or trap cards are affected by your opponent's spells, traps, or monster effects. Any monster that attacks the equipped monster is sent to your hand.

**Mind Crush Due to Deprivation of Pepsi (Trap-Counter)**

This card can only be activated while Yami Yugi-King of Games is on the field. Destroy all cards in your and your opponent's hands and on the field. (excluding Yami Yugi-King of Games.) Inflict damage to your opponent's life points equal to the number of cards destroyed X 500.

**Cheating-That Damn Pharaoh Style (Trap-continuous)**

Once per turn, after your Draw phase and before your Standby Phase, draw an additional 2 cards.

-----X-------X-----

... ... ...Now send to manufacturing and printing...(clicks button) Done. Heh heh...Okay now I'm bored again. Glad I brought these...

Creating chaos at work is just like creating chaos anywhere else. Use your resourses, chuck staplers at people, start a brick fight, glue all of the file cabinent drawers shut. Bring out the classics if you must, such as cherry bombs or the "Please kill me, I wanna die but too much of a punk fool for suicide" sign on the back. (Marik's variation of a 'Kick me' sign) Hell, flood the office if you want to! Me, I see a fool in the office, prime victim. I don't think he'll be okay after this. I found this trick from the internet. Hey...Mr. Department of Division 7 Takuya Wainscott! "Uh...hi. Shouldn't you be working on new cards?" I already did that and gotten them made. "Good, then while you're here, go get me some coffee." Already got it sir! It's on your desk! "huh? But my mug is upside-down. How could you have possibly poured anything in there-AAAAHHHHH!!!!! HOT COFFEEAAAAAHHH!!!"

Yeah, that's a tender area huh?! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! It's real simple as to what I just did. Fill the cup, place an index card on it and flip it upside-down onto a flat surface, then slide the card from under it. When someone picks it up, scalding hot caffeine splashes on them. Instant gratification-

"Hey Ishtar!" What?! "Someone put this (holds up modified 'Kick me' sign) on my back and it's in YOUR handwriting!" Prove it. "Okay, write something!" (sigh) Fine. ... ... ...Here, happy now? "See! It's the same writing style! I'mma kick your"-Pay close attention to what I wrote. "It better be an apology for your sake...I'm about to launch a 5-pound shovel in your head...What?!"

CLANG.

Fool. Sneaking weapons in like my shovel launcher, a must. Since I brought this out, retrieved my new cards, and that the shadows have reported 8 fools getting sent to the Shadow Realm, it's time for a good ol' fashioned flame rampage. Heh heh-Aaah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

-----X-------X-----

_...A phone call between psychos..._

'So Marik, what did you do for a lesson? I heard about your first and last day at work'-

Hey Bakura, shut up. At lest I did what I was supposed to do, so Malik can't get at me.

'And what was that?'

I designed some cards, too bad for you and that ol' baka Pharaoh there's just one copy of each.

'Bastard. Don't even think about your best friend. Well what did you teach then?'

Uhh...how to rampage on the job?

'You did tell them that they are supposed to steal all of the valuables before destroying the establishment, didn't you?'

... ... ...Shit!

'At least you stole something from Pegasus' gay ass, right?'

... ... ...Shut up Bakura! Ra damned smart ass...

'And you call me a fool.'

-----X-------X-----

I already know this isn't my best work. bear with me, I'm still infected. (those of you who was reading 'What's the Deal' know what I mean)

And now I shall say something.

Do you realize that summer vacation is almost upon me? I only have roughly 7-no **6 **weeks left. What's so bad about that? Well besides the fact that you'll never catch me in shorts outside this will mean I'm away from school. Yeah sure, no more homework, Algebra, crazy ghetto children. But this also means that I won't be able to utilize the school computers to upload my stories!!! Nyaaaa! I'll only be on weekly!! And that won't guarantee I'll be able to give you a buttload of fics each week (like I did on the Christmas vacation) because my older bro's computer has no freakin' FLOPPY DISK DRIVE!!!(trinity!) (sigh) I'm gonna be miserable, but I say this not to get you readers down, I say this to get it off my mind and clear my head to give you the best quality fics until I take that fateful leave. BUT. There is hope for me. My mom recently stated to me that while she was tinkering with our Windows freakin' 98 comp, she said she would have been on the internet with NetZero if she had a credit card on her. If you ask me, that's great, 'cause she can easily get one. Hopes...

(basically I'm ranting)

If anyone feels my pain, just say something or holler or anything, I just need to hear that someone cares...(gets slapped by Bakura)

Bakura: Get a hold of yourself! It's not like you'll never see this website again-

But-but-but-but-

Bakura: But what?!

I won't be able to upload that many stories, if any at all!

Bakura: That's what hope is for!

... ... ...I guess you're right. (sighs)

Hope you like!


	19. Babysittingsomething else not to do

Hopefully you won't have to do this…Poor Bakura…

Disclaimer: If I owned Yugioh, do you think I'd be using school computers to upload stories? I'm gonna type it a little differently, so if it works, let me know.

Formats still the same. Main teacher, no quote marks, everyone else, quote marks.

-----X------X-----

Ryou, what do I have to watch your bratty little nephew?

"Because, my cousins are here for a visit so I said I'd come and show them around Domino. Now behave!"

Yeah, behave ya little-

"I meant _you_ Bakura. Now please, his lunchtime is at 3, dinner at 6 and bed at 7. I already have his meals cooked, just pop them in the microwave for a couple minutes. Oh, and don't let him watch too much television, and nothing violent. You hear me Bakura? That's about it, see ya Anaheim! Bye Bakura! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye Unke Ryou! (looks at Bakura)… … …"

… … …

"Unke Bakuroo? Can I have some jooice?"

… … …What did you call me?

"Unke Bakuroo!"

I ain't no damn Bakuroo! Get it your damn self!

"… … …(whimpers) Pwease?"

Not until you can talk like an intelligent little waste of matter.

"Waaaaaaaaaaahhhh! I want jooiceee!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!"

Hey shut up! Grrrrr…You can't make me do what you want, I'm king around here!

"(sniffs) Pwease?!… … …Fine!"

Hey, you can charge me all you want-no wait don't kick there-AAAAHHHHH!!!

-----X-------X-----

(eye twitching, holding an ice pack on his 'area', fuming) Okay, as you can see, I'm babysitting this little fuc…Ryou's nephew. First rule of babysitting: Don't let them kick you in the nuts. Especially a three-year-old.(trinity!) It's the fact that their small foot can fit _right IN _the little spot and get maximum impact…Little brat, made me get him some _jooice_…Can't even talk! (sigh) Anyway, second rule, Don't fucking baby-sit. It is degrading, humiliating, and downright something a psycho shouldn't do. But alas, stick around for my pain, if you don't, go punish yourself. Even if it _is _me, The Almighty Bakura, King of Thieves, getting hurt, a true psycho never passes up a chance to see someone in pain-

"Unke Bakuroo?"

…What?

"I'm hungray."

No, Hungray is a city in the land of 'Learn how to talk'.

"But, I'm hungray. I want chickan."

(glares at Anaheim) Okay, you want _chickan_? C'mon, let's go get some.

"Yay! Chickan! Chickan! Chickan! Yay!"

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr…Okay, Ryou said he had the meals prepared…I don't see it. Huh? (pulls out a Kid Cuisine meal) The hell? Oh, I see. You want this right?

"Yeah, Kid Cuisine! Thanks Unke Bakuroo! Put it in that!" (points to the microwave)

No, I don't cook like that. _Matter of fact, I _don't _cook._ I cook it like this. (tosses the contents of the meal into the blender, and turns it on high speed) See? A perfect smoothie for little brats who can talk due to not having teeth. Mmm…yummy! (hands Anaheim a glass of the blended whatnot)

"Ewww! I no like that! You can't do that! I'm telling on yoo Unke Bakuroo! Waaaaahhhh!"

Stop crying ya little…If you don't like something, do something about that something that you don't like!

"Huh?"

-----X-------X-----

Okay, another thought. If you do so happen to baby-sit, whomever you sit, mold them into one of your own. Either that or refer back to our very first list of the school and utilize No. 8. (Take your hikari VERY literal) and sit on the little bastard child. Me, I'm going to get another _apprentice_… Anaheim? Have you ever heard of the word, 'violence' before?

"(sniff) No. What's violance?"

Heh heh heh…Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

-----X------X-----

"Bakura, Anaheim, I'm back! (looks around) Bakura, where's Anaheim?"

In the bathroom.

"Alone? Bakura, he's still can't reach the sink, you have to help him."

You're back. That means I'm back to being the sexy, lazy thief you know and love-

"Bakura! (sigh) I'll go help him."

Heh, 3…2…1-

"ANAHEIM!!! Bakura quick! Call 911! He's drowned! Bakura hurry!!!" (runs out of the bathroom frantic, carrying Anaheim's limp body. Bakura winked towards Anaheim, and he winked back, sending an evil grim as well)

The boy learns psychological chaos quickly…

-----X-------X-----

Sucked. I'm getting sucky, I know. My mind's on bullcrap, and I can't focus. Sigh…

I'll try to pump out another one, and of course, make it better than this one. Still taking suggestions, and speaking of suggestions, the idea of babysitting came from Zutarachick__

Review please!


	20. Crashingand or preventing a date

Hmm...you guys seemed to like Bakura getting kicked in the nads, heh. Well, the long awaited, finally here, done being put off and writer's blocked, the lesson on how to crash(or get out of) a date! Dedicated to Bakura's Reflection, who she was anxiously waiting for at least a month. Well, here it is! But first,

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! nor Monopoly, Battleship, chess, the game of Life, bingo, or go fish.

Oh yeah, you all know the deal. Marik, 'Bakura', "Everyone else". Okay? Okay.

-----X-------X-----

"Oh hi Yugi! Come on in, what can I do for you?"

"Hello Ryou. Umm...is Bakura and Marik here? They weren't at Malik's."

"Yes, upstairs. Please, tread lightly...Who knows what they couls be doing when it's this quiet."

"Thanks Ryou. I just need to ask them something."

-----X------X-----

'I rolled a 3. Knight to E5.'

You sunk my battleship! Crap, that means I have to go fish, right?

'Heh, yeah. and I get to retire early! So that means...Oh hell naw! I land on your Boardwalk with five hotels?!'

Ha! That's right! Give me yo' money! Yo' ass gonna retire broke! Ha ha ha!

'Punk, call out a number.'

I 16. Heh, AND I land on free parking!

'After I checkmate your king with my rook! Nah! Bingo bitch!'-

(knock knock)

Man who the hell is that disturbing our board game wars?!

'Marik, manners. Ryou! Get the fuck on somewhere!'

"!...S-sorry to disturb you two. I'll...just leave..."

'Huh? Yugi? What do you want?'

"(sigh) I need your help. You know about the prom we're having right? Well, I wanted to go with...someone else. But Te'a immediately hooked us up and she's my friend and all but I don't want to go with her! So...can you help me get out of this?"

You want us to get rid of your date _and_ crash the prom? Why Yugi, that's so sweet.

"No! Not crash the entire prom!"

'Heh, just leave it to us Yugi. We'll wear our suits and everything.'

"Well..."-

'Leave us to plan our..._separation_. Sayonara! Marik'-

SUITS?! The fuck?!

'Marik, please. We have to look forward for such an occasion, besides, at the end we can wear our birthday suits...'

Ooh...really? You know underwear is kinda restricting for my yanker.

'That's why I stopped wearing it. Now for the plan...'

-----X-------X-----

Okay, as you can see, we have to get rid of that friendship heifer. Heh, seeing we usually don't take requests of acting a fool, this is kinda new to us. And adding the fact that I don't know what the hell a prom is-

'Damn Marik it's a gathering for teens to dance and crap!'

(glares at Bakura)... ... ...Okay. What do you propose we do, O' Mighty God of Knowing Useless Crap?

'Heh, follow along.'

-----X-------X-----

Boring ass get together...WHY did we agree to do this again?

'Because, it's a free excuse to mess up people's lives. There's Yugi.'

"Bakura! Marik! You're here! And in tuxedos...Anyway, Te'a hasn't made it in yet, so what are you planning to do?"

Chew on this. (shoves a clove of garlic in Yugi's mouth) Now keep it in your mouth and when she comes, greet her as you would. We have to set up.

"Eww! I don't want this-Oh hi Te'a-(spits out garlic on her face on accident) Oh my god! I am so sorry! Let me get that for you"-

"Oh no Yugi! I want to keep it on my dress! It will be a reminder of how you greeted me on our prom date! Come on, let's get dancing!"

"But-but-but Te'a I can't dance! Please, no..."

-----X-------X-----

'Marik, did you make sure to glue on all of the chairs?'

Yes I did. And did you make sure to hollow out the disco ball and fill it with that cow dung right?

'Of course. Now hury up and DJ while they're dancing!'

Yeah, yeah. ... ... ...(testing) (testing 1, 2, 3 Can you hear me?) Okay, it is I, DJ Millennium Jackass, here to bring you the best sounds for your ratty Ra damned prom! And might I add, will the best dressed (besides me of course) come out in the middle of the dance floor, and those lucky persons are...Yugi Mutou and That friendship-I mean Te'a Gardener! Come on down!

"Yay! Come on Yugi! Let's DANCE!"

"But Te'a...Te'a LOOK OUT!"

Yugi jumped back before the disco ball came down and exploded the cow shite all on Te'a and anyone else dumb enough to be in the middle of the room. Te'a looked around and started to laugh. She grabbed Yugi in a super fluffy hug and screamed, "Oh Yugi! That's the best practical joke ever! I love it!" Of course, everyone stared, including Bakura and DJ Millennius Jackass.

"Umm...Te'a..Can you let go, I'm getting boo-boo all over me...And it stinks...not that you stink, the...brown stuff does"-

"It's okay Yugi! I loved every bit of it! Anything you did I'll love and cherish!"

'Plan B...'

-----X-------X-----

Yugi, I'm telling you. Just eat like a living slob when you two sit down!

"But she said she's gonna like whatever I do"-

Just do it! Here she comes!

"No! Don't leave me-Oh...hi Te'a!"

"Hi Yugi! You hungry? I can get us some snacks if you want-Huh? I'm...stuck to the table...Oh no my dress! Yugi...another prank I love it!"

"(sigh) Te'a, I don't think"-

'Table cleaner at your service. I clean while I sing!'

Bakura pulled out a very large leaf blower and started to blow everything off the table and into Te'a's face while singing, "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves". Repedeatelyuntil even the table is blown on her. Being glued to the chair, she had to take the table to the face, knocking her down. Everyone let out a gasp when she fell, but she simply got up, bent over due to the chair still stuck to her butt, and laughed.

"Yugi! I ADORE these pranks! Do another one!"

"But Te'a, I'm not doing these"-

'Plan C...'

-----X-------X-----

Crap! What now?!

'Yugi! I got a Pepsi!'

"No...no...(Millennium Puzzle shining) No...-Pepsi! Give it to me now!"

"Oh Pharaoh, I didn't know you wanted to dance with me to! Come on"-

"Shut up heifer! I want my Pepsi! (snatches it from Bakura and drains it)"

"Pharaoh, let's dance!"

"Heifer, you touch me during my Pepsi intake and I swear I'll kill ya."

"Hee hee, I don't care, at least I'll know _you_ were the one who killed me, Pharaoh!"

'... ... ...Oh. My. God.'

What?! It didn't work?! Da fuck!

'Marik...It didn't work...none of our shenanigans worked, not even hyping up that Damn Pharaoh on Pepsi...we...we-

Don't say it! Don't even think it!

'We...failed'-

La-la-la-I'm not listening! I didn't hear you la-La-LA!

'Face it Marik! We failed as psychos! Nothing our crazed minds thought up worked! We couldn't fathom that friendship bitch! She's too persistent and preppy! Our only kryptonite to our evilocity!!! We...we've lost our touch...'

So does this mean...no birthday suits?

'It means no more Psycho School...Might as well join the ranks of all of those other goody-good Yugi followers.'

But-but-I was actually starting to like the Ra damned thing! I can't let it end! Hell no! Hey Pharaoh! That friendship bitch is only on this date with you just to keep you busy while your grandpa gets rid of all the Pepsi!

"WHAT?!?"

"Pharaoh don't listen to them! I would neve"-

"MIND CRUSH! That'll teach that heifer...now...PEPSI!!!"

'Wait...I fell spontanious idiocity! Pharaoh...this prom has the nerve to not serve Pepsi but instead they're serving vitamin enriched, fully fortified fruit punch!'

"Blasted people, only Pepsi shall slide down my throat! MIND CRUSH! MIND CRUSH! MIND CRUSH!"

'Let's get out of here! Come on-Marik! Why in the hell are you naked?!'

You think I'm going to pass up a chance to let my yanker breath? Besides, these idiots need to be blessed by my greatness!

'Honestly, is that all you can think about? If you don't come on, you'll be spending the next few weeks in the Shadow Realm! Heh, at least the school can continue!'

-----X-------X-----

"Umm...thanks again guys, but did you have to make the Pharaoh go ballistic like that?"

'Well, we kinda had a psychosis breakdown and was kind of desprate. So, mind enlightening us on who you really wanted to take?'

"(blushing) Oh...I did get to spen the rest of the night with him secluded when I came to...And he was real nice about helping me out and all"-

Yugi, out with it already with your short gay ass.

"Hi Yugi! Thanks for taking me out after the prom when Bakura wouldn't go with me. I had a great time! Oh... ... ...Bakura...I...uh..."

'(death glare towards Ryou) Excuse me while I go punish my hikari.'

"Wait Bakura no! I'm sorry-NO!!!"

"Oops. I didn't think that'll happen. I'll...just ake my leave-Bye!"

-----X-------X-----

I guess I'll break it down, since I was left here all by my lonesome. Okay, rule number one: When you enlist in a job like this, make sure you don't end up hooking your employee with YOUR lover. That should be plain and simple, but I guess it really wasn't for Bakura...Rule two: Test your ideas so you won't become empty-handed and risk failure like we...reluctanly did. And Rule number three: _Always_...Always...ALWAYS wear your birthday suit if nothing else fails. That way, when you get that restraining order, they'll know what they are missing, heh heh heh...Oh shit! Bakura's pulling out his patent-pending Knife-gun! (a gun that shoots knives instead of bullets with a laser sight and extendable taser)

Poor Ryou...

-----X-------X-----

I hope you all like it, especially Bakura's Reflection! This is dedicated for her b-day! (May 4) And now Bakura and Marik have a special treat for you...

Bakura&Marik: (both completely naked, except for a red bow tie, and dancing) Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! It's you lucky day! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Let's all celebrate!

Marik: If only we could show in person-

Bakura: But we don't want to give you a major nosebleed.

(trinity!)

Suggestion by Bakura's Reflection, reviews are welcome, please and thank you!


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